Coming to the M.E.

Jeff has always been defensive about our move to the Middle East. When people would say, "Gee, Pauline's a good sport about moving to the Middle East," he would always respond that it wasn't so bad, and then list out the 3 good things that we found here, and leave off the 3000 bad things we found here.

Almost all the other ex-pats I've met are happy here. Let me explain why.

Most ex-pats have a housing allowance that covers the rent and furniture for a 4-bedroom, 4-bath, at least 2000 sq ft house. Most of them get a free car while they are working here. If you sit back and think about it, where do most of your bills fall? In the housing and transportation categories. So with those out of the way, there's not much left to have to cover. Many people's incomes triple or even quadruple from what they would be making back home. For example, I know for a fact that the Brazilians have quadrupled their incomes and can freely drive around in a nice car without worrying about getting carjacked at a red light. It's paradise to them.

Most ex-pats stay in their field of expertise and the move to the Middle East is simply an enhancement to their career. No one moves over here to start over. And then there's us. I could not in good conscience stand in the way of my husband following his dream. I mean, everyone gives up on their dreams. I know that sounds cynical, but for most people, that's the truth. Many people have told me so, once they learn about our situation. So we are not typical ex-pats. Our house and furniture and cars are not covered by the company. His income dropped dramatically from his former career. We are here as a means to an end.

For me, this is temporary living. In no way am I preparing to stay here for years, like many of the other ex-pats I know. Jeff is constantly trying to be glass half full... and on my good days, I can be that way, too. But on my bad days, I have to tell him... let's get real. The Brazilians-- 3rd world country to another 3rd world country, but at least one without the murders and muggings. The South Africans-- dangerous political situation, corruption, fear for personal safety. The Western Europeans-- tripled and quadrupled their salaries, makes it easy to overlook the bad stuff. The Aussies and Kiwis-- ditto. So out of the scores of people I've met since moving here, I've only met two other Americans. One hates it here, and is only here because her husband's family is here. The other likes it here because she says it's a really easy life, but also her husband's family is here, too. The only other Americans here are military and they are here because they have to be!

The other day I was at a mom & baby group and we got to talking about America. I didn't know that these two other women, a South African and a Colombian, had briefly lived in the US a few years ago. Both of them confided that if they were able to get a permanent home in the US, that would be the #1 place both of them would choose to live. One of them said, "If I were you and had a home in America, I wouldn't be here!"

Of course I had to come home and repeat this conversation to Jeff verbatim. It just proves what I've known as soon as I moved here... no matter how unpopular America is, no matter how botched the government is, everyone still wants to live there!

I'm feeling homesick now and my morale is low. I'm coming up on my one-year anniversary of moving here but it has already been 1. 5 years since Jeff started with the company and I had agreed to commit to 2 years. Now Jeff's company has radically changed things and made it so that Jeff cannot achieve his goals for 4 years. I'm tired of the constant battling with his company and can't forsee having the endurance to continue for another 3 years.